Sixty Nine by Sosie Frost

Author:Sosie Frost [Frost, Sosie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-12-23T18:00:00+00:00

9

Varius

“What do you mean, you’re leaving?”

My sister barricaded the top of the basement stairs. She lunged forward as I approached, and, for a solid second, I wondered if she aimed to push me back down.

Instead, she seized my duffel bag and threw it behind her into the kitchen.

“You aren’t serious?” Cassi knew better than to pout—especially after we’d Geneva Convention’d her puffy lower lip during the Prada purse Christmas fiasco of 2006 when she’d ended up with five bags and an equal number of broke brothers. “Like, you’re leaving leaving?”

Something I should have done long ago. “I’ll call you with the details once I get there.”

“Where?”

I hadn’t decided yet. “Don’t worry about me, Sassy.”

“You make it really hard not to.” She followed me into the kitchen as I stuffed my wallet into my jacket and hunted for my phone. “Where do you think you’re going? What are you looking to find?”

Nothing. What was left to search for? I’d already experienced the greatest pleasures, faith, and beauty life could offer. All that was left now was darkness, pain, and misery.

And I had no way to combat any of it.

“What about the church?” Cassi asked. “You’re just going to walk away from them?”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Does that make it better?”

“Makes it a little easier second time around.”

She crossed her arms. “Is this because of what happened at the meeting? It’s okay now, V. They dropped all the charges against Marius. And the kids were all promised presents, regardless of Santa’s disability, blackeye, or temper.”

I hoisted the bag onto my shoulder. “You know it’s not about the meeting.”

“You have to work through this at some point,” she said.

“I am. That’s why I’m leaving.”

She groaned, grabbing my hand before I could escape the kitchen. “That’s not what I mean. Something is wrong, V. You have to let us help you.”

And what made her think I deserved the help? What made me so special that I earned a family’s love and compassion?

What was the difference between me and the little girl who lost her life that day?

Until someone could answer that question—family, friends, God—I had no reason to stay.

“What about the pageant?” Cassi followed me through the house. “What about all the work everybody is putting in? What about the church? What about us? You think you can just leave and we wouldn’t miss you? You’re running in the wrong direction. You need to come back to us, not push further away.”

“And do what?” My voice rasped, the exhaustion bleeding into my words. “What can I do for the family? The church? I’m not the man I was a year ago. And I’m not going to stay here and infect the people I love and the community I grew up in with this…”

Misery.

Darkness.

Void.

I pushed her aside, heading to the door. “I promise. I will call.”

Cassi had a temper. It was cute as a kid but dangerous in a woman who was after a favor.

“You can’t leave!” Her voice edged in panic. “Varius, I want you to marry me and Rem!”

The bag dropped to the floor.

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